


"I don't just talk to it"

by Moonmares



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Desperation, Frustration, Fucking a Pumpkin, Horny Teenagers, Loneliness, M/M, Masturbation, Not Beta Read, Other, Pumpkin - Freeform, Read at Your Own Risk, Sexual Frustration, Teenagers, This is meant as a joke, This is really not good, Tommy fucks a pumpkin, TommyInnit literally has sex with a pumpkin, Unwelcome Surprises, pumpkin fucking, pumpkin sex, sexual fantasies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-10
Updated: 2020-12-10
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:40:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27983982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moonmares/pseuds/Moonmares
Summary: Do not read this, it is terrible.Tommy gets really bored and bothered in a lonely night in Logstedshire and seeks for a way to relieve himself.(This is disgusting but I have a crude sense of humour)
Relationships: Toby Smith | Tubbo/TommyInnit, TommyInnnit/Pumpkin
Comments: 38
Kudos: 183





	"I don't just talk to it"

**Author's Note:**

> If this hasn't been made clear enough yet:  
> This story depicts a sixteen-year-old having sexual intercourse with a big, orange vegetable.  
> It also depicts Tommy having sexual fantasies about his best friend Tubbo.  
> If this does sound like a story that might upset you, please consider not reading it and clicking off right now.  
> You don't need to tell me that I am a horrible person for writing this. I already know.
> 
> So if you are still reading this, don't tell me I didn't warn you. There aren't even character tags on this. You wanted this to happen to you.
> 
> This incredibly terrible idea came to me after, in a recent stream, Tommy told his friends he "not just talks" to his pumpkin girlfriend. Them (and me) got so weeeiird thoughts and because I am a disturbed human being I put them to paper.  
> I am incredibly asexual and having no sexual interest in Tommy, Tubbo or pumpkins. I wrote this as a joke and as a joke only.  
> Please do enjoy!

The darkness of night had fallen on Logstedshire.  
Tommy had fallen asleep, but the sound of rain on his tent’s tarps woke him up in the middle of the night.  
He’d just had an incredible dream.

He was back in L’Manburg, sitting by the edge of the crater lake under the city and letting his feet dangle into the water as someone approached him.  
It was Tubbo.  
The brown fringe hung into his face, but his eyes sparkled as he saw his best friend.  
“Tommy, you’re here! I’ve been looking for you all over. Where have you been?”  
“Ah you know… just getting some alone time. But I’m glad you’re here now”  
He couldn’t take his eyes of Tubbo’s gorgeous face, as his eyes sparkled even more, just like the water of the lake.  
Tubbo took off his shoes and socks, rolled up the legs of his trousers and sat down next to him at the edge of the water.  
“I’ve missed you, Tommy. I’m so glad you’re back”  
“I’ve missed you, too. Tubbo, I love you so much”  
Both boys kissed passionately and Tommy felt Tubbo’s hands all over himself, slowly pulling off his shirt. He did the same to Tubbo, slowly unbuttoning his presidential suit. God, he looked so good in it.  
He felt a touch between his legs and could see Tubbo’s grin. “I really, really missed you, Tommy”

And now the stupid rain had woken him up.  
He was sitting upright in his bed, the cool air of the night against his sweaty, bare upper body.  
But there was a different feeling.  
Tommy was rock-hard.  
“Fuck this shit”  
He leaned back down and closed his eyes, trying as hard as possible to call back the beautiful visions and feelings from his dream. It had just begun getting interesting.  
Tubbo… if only Tubbo was here.  
They never went further than cuddling on their bench and giving each other little kisses on the cheeks but Tommy always wanted more.  
And he was very sure, Tubbo did too. He had too.  
Did Tubbo had erotic dreams about him, too?  
Tommy closed his eyes harder and tried to envision him and Tubbo… under L’Manburg… just like in his dream.  
Maybe… with fewer clothes.  
Why did it look so much better in his dream?  
He tried imagining what Tubbo’s hand on his penis had felt like when he touched him in his dream.  
But he just… couldn’t. No matter how hard he wanted to… there was not the slightest illusion.  
As falling asleep and drifting back into his sexual fantasies was no option (he was way too agitated for that now), Tommy sighed and gave in.  
His hand quickly moved down under the covers, pushed down the strap of his pants and grabbed his erection tightly.  
He rubbed, first slowly, then quicker.  
It felt good, yeah. But it didn’t feel great.

Most of the time neither Dream nor Ghostbur were around and so he spent most of the day roaming through the woods, collecting a few things and getting bored by the sound of his own thoughts.  
But… like any teenage boy with way too much free time on his hand… he mostly jerked off.  
He had done it in every spot in Logstedshire, in his tent, on the field, in the woods, in the camp, in the house, on the primelog, on the beach, in the water.  
Thank God he had the stamina, and normally he also had the fantasies to actually get off but right now, where he needed those more than ever, it was no use.  
His mind felt empty, his hand felt incredibly bland around his cock and he stayed just as painfully hard as he was when he woke up.  
He needed something… anything… that felt different to his hand.  
Preferably something tight… possibly wet… but where would a man found something like that in a place like this?

Tommy had gotten up and was standing in the entry of his tent in just his pants.  
The rain had already almost ceased, what a waste. Why even wake him up if it wasn’t gonna last for five minutes?  
His eyes fell on everything he could make out in the darkness of the night… until he saw her.  
His girlfriend, a Pumpkin impaled on a pole, was standing there, just a couple of feet away, in the shadow of the woods, the face of the Pumpkin he had crudely drawn onto it in sharpie barely visible in the pale moonlight.  
His penis twitched.  
Tommy cursed.

He could not believe it.  
Back in his tent, he was, kneeling on his bed, the pumpkin head of his girlfriend on the mattress in front of him.  
He slowly, carefully turned her around to inspect the whole the pole had made in the bottom. His fingers carefully caressed it.  
The edges weren’t sharp, and even though the skin of the pumpkin was pretty rigid and firm, the flesh underneath was soft enough to make it slightly bouncy.  
He slipped two fingers into the hole, after a few centimetres they hit the inside. Mushy, wet pumpkin meet. It was very easy to deepen the hole with his fingers.  
He pulled them out again and took a deep breath.  
This was the stupidest idea he ever had, but he was so goddamn horny. He needed this. Now.  
The other hand that wasn’t keeping the pumpkin in place pulled down his pants to his knees and took his hard penis.  
He slowly guided its head to the hole and felt himself sliding into it.  
It was the perfect width. Tight around his shaft but not tight enough to hurt.  
First, it felt boring but when his head hit the moist mush in the pumpkin’s core, he let out a moan that would have woken up anyone around if he hadn’t been alone.  
This felt so good. Was this how it felt like to have sex with someone? Who knew. And who cared.  
Tommy was slowly pushing deeper, pulling out just to push in more, all the while moaning and both hands holding onto the big orange fruit.  
It wasn’t warm inside, but since the winter hadn’t fully reached Logstedshire yet, it was not uncomfortably cold either.  
The insides were so incredibly soft, almost gooey, and Tommy managed to go into the pumpkin balls-deep in a matter of thirty seconds.  
He took a deep breath and decided to speed up the movements he made.  
He grabbed the pumpkin as firmly as his hands on the smooth surface allowed him to and thrusted it onto his erection again and again.  
The head of his penis smashing into the tender, moist core of his little toy felt incredibly good. Better than everything he ever felt ever.  
He let out a few more moans, as he closed his eyes and envisioned not the round, orange vegetable in his grasp but the firm but graceful arse of his crush.  
As the pumpkin slammed against his groin, again and again, the damp tightness stretching around him, he imagined Tubbo moaning under him as Tommy fucked him intensely.  
If having sex was only half as awesome as this was, it would be totally worth it. But he bet it would’ve felt more than double as amazing if this pumpkin actually had been Tubbo.

The arousal was getting to Tommy’s head and as the wildest sexual fantasies of a whiny Tubbo in his grasp filled his clouded mind, his knees gave in and he slowly leaned forward, putting the pumpkin down onto the mattress.  
Now he wasn’t ramming it against his nether regions but switched to thrusting his pelvis down into the pumpkin. The wet noises escaping from the pumpkin’s tight hole were obscene, but Tommy’s aroused moans and pleas drowned them out. They drowned out every noise around him.  
Tommy couldn’t go on for much longer, the mixture of the incredible feeling and the breathtaking fantasies he created in his head sent him over the edge quickly before he even got to accelerate to full thrusting speed.  
He slowly pulled his penis out of the now freshly fucked pumpkin hole.  
His eyes were still closed, but as he took his member into his fingers he could feel it was covered in a gross mixture of his own and the pumpkin’s juices.  
He should probably go down to the beach and wash himself off.  
But this was not gonna be the last time he did this, that he was sure off.  
Tommy took a deep breath and opened his eyes.

He let out a high pitched scream and fell back onto his arse, knocking the pumpkin off his bed.  
It rolled over the floor and stopped right in the front of two big netherite boots.  
Tommy tried to cover his privates that were just as covered in pumpkin mush as his hands were, but the man in the doorway of his tent had already seen enough.  
“You’re on of the quick ones, huh?”, Dream said, laughing.  
“How long… how long have you been…”, Tommy stammered, his face taking a colour even deeper than the pumpkin he just fornicated with.  
Dream just laughed again. He obviously saw enough.  
“Need some help cleaning this mess?”


End file.
